MISCELLANEOUS
JOKES
Updated on 04/15/2004
Vincent Van Gogh Had a Really Large Family. Here's a Listing
The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia ----> U. Gogh
The brother who accidentally bleached all his clothes white ----> Hue Gogh
The sister who wore a mini skirt and like to dance in bars ----> Go Gogh
The real obnoxious brother ----> Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes ----> Gotta Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store ----> Stop N Gogh
His dizzy aunt ----> Verti Gogh
The cousin that moved to Illinois ----> Chica Gogh
His magician uncle ----> Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico ----> Amee Gogh
Another cousin who lived in Mexico ----> Grin Gogh
Nephew that drove a stage coach ----> Wells Far Gogh
Uncle who was constipated ----> Cant Gogh
Aunt who was a good dancer ----> Tan Gogh
A seaman meets a pirate, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook?"
"Well," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Ar, well...," said the pirate, "... it was me first day with the hook..."
Father Pat and Father Mike were riding down the highway with Father Pat at the wheel. Father Pat had the pedal to the metal when suddenly a rabbit jumped up onto the highway right in front of the car. Though he did everything he could to miss the little bunny, including throwing the car into a spinning locked brakes slide (and almost tipping the car over with this maneuver), it was to no avail; the bunny bought the big one. Both priests jumped out of the car, ran back to the rabbit to see if there was anything that could be done, but alas, it appeared that the rabbit was gone. Never wanting to give up so long as there was a ghost of a chance, Father Pat pulled a bottle out of his pocket and, making the sign of the cross, sprinkled a few drops of liquid on the still body of the rabbit. Instantly it jumped up and started waving its little front paws like crazy.
Father Mike looked at Father Pat and said, "It is a miracle!"
The rabbit stood there and continued to wave at them. Since it appeared that nothing else was needed, the two priests returned to the car and Father Pat continued down the road. Father Mike kept looking out the back window and for as long as he could see the rabbit, it was still standing there, waving at them.
When the rabbit was out of sight, Father Mike sat back and considered the sequence of events. Finally his curiousity got the best of him and he said,
"Father Pat, just exactly what was in that bottle?"
In response, Father Pat pulled the bottle out of his pocket once more and handed it to Father Mike, who read the label:"Hair Restorer with Permanent Wave!"
An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man had noticed that the older man always seemed to have a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts. One day while the older man was away from his desk the young man couldn't resist and went to the old man's jar and ate over half the peanuts.
When the old man returned the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.
The old man responded, "That's ok since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms."
This man was sitting in the bar watching the NY Jets football game. His neighbor at the bar had a little black and white dog sitting quietly when all of a sudden the NY Jets scored a touchdown. The dog went crazy, ran in circles chasing his tail, yipping and yapping, jumping up and down, then sat down and started to howl.
The man turned to his neighbor and asked, "What's wrong with your dog?"
"Nothing," answered the dogs owner, "He just happens to be a Jets fan."
"Wow", said the man, "If he reacts like that to a touchdown, what does he do when they win?""I don't know," said the man, "I've only had him for two years."
Just To Get Ye All In the Xmas Spirit!
A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said".
Well,as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing".
As the official approached, the man said,
"Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?".
"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!", to which the man quietly replied:"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"!
Merry Christmas To All.
Stash and Yash were walking in the woods and came across a big hole. They wondered how deep it was so decided to drop in a pepple and listen for it to hit bottom. They dropped in a pepple and nothing happened. No noise. They dropped in a boulder and nothing happened. No noise. They decided to scout around for something really big to drop in the hole and came across a railroad tie. They pushed and pulled it over to the hole and dropped it in. Still no noise. Suddenly a goat ran out of the woods and jumped into the hole. A farmer came by a little later and asked if anyone had seen his goat. Stash said he saw a goat run out of the woods and jump into the hole. The farmer sez:
'It couldn't have been my goat. He was tied to a railroad tie.'
An elderly couple are walking down the street and run into their friend, Bill. The old man says, "Bill, we just finished taking this fantastic course that improves your memory, and I must say it has opened up a whole new world for me. It really works!"
Bill says, "Sounds great, what's the name of the course?"
The old man pauses and says, "... What's the name of that flower... you know... the one with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?" says Bill.
"Yeah that's it! A rose!"
Then the man turns to his wife and says,
"Hey Rose, what was the name of that memory course we took?"
Jim & Bob were out camping. They looked across the open clearing & saw this big bear running toward them. Jim immediately sits down, takes off his camping boots & puts on his Adidas tennis shoes.
Seeing this, Bob says "You don't think you're gonna be able to outrun that bear, do ya?"
Jim replys, "Noooo. I can't outrun that bear, but I don't have to. All I have to do is outrun YOU!
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
Things You Don't Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness
An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy:
"You're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman:
"You're in charge of shoveling," and to the Chinese guy:
"And you're in charge of supplies."
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian:
"Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies:
"I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't find him."
So then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies:
"I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."
The foreman is really pissed off now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells:'SUPPLIES!"
This bloke went into a pub with his wife, sat down at the bar and said to the bartender "Mate, please give me a beer before it starts"
The bartender poured him a beer and the bloke knocked it back in one gulp.
"Give me another beer before it starts thanks mate " said the bloke.
The bartender had no idea what the bloke was talking about, but poured him another anyway and watched it disappear the way of the first one.
" Quick mate " said the bloke "give me another beer before it starts"
As he's pouring the beer, the bartender said " Look mate, there's nothing starting here tonight. The strippers are on Friday, and the band is on Saturday"
The bloke ignored him and just demanded another beer before it started.
"Listen dear" his wife interrupted, " I think you've had enough to drink "See mate " said the bloke to the bartender, "it's started."
Playing Trains (some questionable language)
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son say:
"All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches who are returning and want to get on, get your asses on the train now, cause we're going down the tracks!"
The mother ran into the living room and yelled at her son:
"We don't use that kind of language in this house! Now go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS! When you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice language."
Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say:
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She hears the little boy continue:
"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
Then, the child added:
"And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper.
One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper. After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that everything was purely professional...that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The Pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner."
The young assistant received the letter, and he answered it as follows: "Dear Father Pastor, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy ladle."
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said.
The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
The Little Old Lady(By the courtesy of my friend Laci)
A little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said first though, she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the large amount of money involved. The teller see med to think that was a reasonable request and after opening the paper bag an d seeing the bundles of $1000 bills, which he was sure amounted to $3 million, telephoned the bank president's secretary to obtain the appointment for the lady. The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the presidents office. Introductions were made and she stated that she liked to get to know people that she did business with on a more personal level. The bank president then asked her where she had come into such money.
"Did you inherit it?"
"No, she replied."
He was quiet for a minute, trying to think where this little old lady could have come into $3 million.
"I bet, she stated."
You bet? repeated the president. As in horses?
"No, she replied. I bet people."
Seeing his confusion, she explained that she just bet different things with people. All of a sudden she said,
"I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00 tomorrow morning your balls will be square."
The bank president figured that she must be off her rocker and decided to take her bet. He didn't see how he could lose. For the rest of the day the president was very careful and cautious. He decided to stay home that evening and take no chances. There was $25,000 at stake here. When he got up in the morning he checked to make sure everything was okay. There was no difference. He looked the same as he always did. He went to the bank and waited for the little old lady to come in at 10:00. He knew this would be a good day. How often do you get handed $25,000 for doing nothing? At 10:00 sharp the old lady entered the office. With her was a younger man. When the president inquired as to what his purpose for being there was, she informed him that the younger man was her lawyer and she always took him along when there was that much money involved. Well, she asked him, what about our bet?
"I don't know how to tell you this but I'm the same as I've always been. Only $25,000 richer."
The lady seemed to accept this. But she requested that she be able to see for herself. The bank president thought this was reasonable and dropped his pants. She instructed him to bend over and she grabbed him by the balls. Sure enough, everything was fine. The president then looked up and saw her lawyer standing across the room banging his head against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?" he asked."Oh him, she replied, I bet him $100,000 that by 10:10 this morning I'd have the president of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls."
An Irish priest was driving erratically down a county road in Dublin, taking corners on two wheels and skidding all over the pavement. An alarmed constable finally pulled the good father over and smelled his breath. "Father, you're drunk!" said the constable.
"Oh, glory be," answered the priest, "What a relief. I thought the steering was broken."
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, went to sleep in the tent. Holmes wakes up deep at night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?" "Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny." "No Watson, it's simplier: it just means that somebody has stolen our tent."
An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair. After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"
The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once screwed a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son ...
A man and a woman were having dinner
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman,
"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly,
"No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."
A guy is speeding when a cop starts to chase him. The guy tries to outrun the cop, but the cop catches him. The cop walks up to the guy's car and says, "If you can give me one good reason why you were trying to outrun me, I'll let you go."
The guy says, "My wife left me for a cop, and when I saw you in my rearview mirror, I thought you were him, bringing her back to me."
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had while making the toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours - all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!
I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. He says
"Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"
And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass........
A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so he thought he'd become a mechanic. So he went to mechanics school, and the final test was to strip the engine completely and reassemble it back into perfect working order. So he took the test and anxiously awaited the results. The day the results came in he got quite a surprise...he got 150%! He quickly phoned the instructor to question the mark.
The instructor said "no no, that's right. first I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine. A very thorough job. Next I gave you a 50% for reassembling it. A fantastic job really.
Then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all thru the muffler!!!!"
A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up.
"But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"
As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look."Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat"
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said:
"OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
This guy is walking through ChinaTown. He is fascinated with all the Chinese Restaurants, the Chinese shops, the Chinese signs and banners on the buildings. He is having the best time just walking and looking. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olafsen's Laundry". "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in
the world does that fit in here?"
So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks,
"How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The visitor asks, "Well, who in the heck is the owner?" "I am he," answers the old man.
"You? How in the heck did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go 'What your name?' He say
'Hans Olaffsen.'
She look at me...'What your name?'I say: "Sam Ting."
Three Freshman Engineering Students
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might’ve designed the human body.
The first one said, “It must’ve been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that.”
The second one said, “No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer.”
Then the third one said, “No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?”
When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and whispered,
"Sorry, sir, but you're allowed only one seat." The man moaned but didn't budge.
"Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call the manager."
The man moaned again but stayed where he was. The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after making attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police.
The cop looked at the reclining man and said, "All right, what's your name, joker?"
"Joe," he mumbled.
"Where're you from, Joe?"Joe responded painfully... "The balcony."
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Tech Support," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said,"To your house."
A Cab Driver Reaches The Pearly Gates
A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St.Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.
A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.
The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabby.
St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "Here we are interested in results.When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed.
A middle aged woman has a heart attack. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. She sees God, and asks if this is it. God says no, that she has another 30-40 years to live. She recovers, and decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, hair dyed, etc. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and immediately gets hit by an ambulance. She arrives in front of God and asks,
"I thought you said I had another 30 or 40 years?" God replies,"Sorry, I didn't recognize you.
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple. The American put down on question #5, 'I don'tknow.'"You put down 'Neither do I.'
A Little Old Lady Goes To The Doctor.
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent.
As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent".
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, they stink terribly."
"Good", the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing".
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a
great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way
back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written: (For 95 points):
Which tire?
During the space program, the Apollo astronauts practiced 'moon-walking' in the Southwestern deserts. The strange sight of the space-suited figures wandering around the landscape attracted several Indians.
One of them could speak English, and the officials in charge told him what they were doing.
When he informed the others, one old man wanted to write a message to send to the moon. The NASA people humored him, and he scratched out a message.
When the other Indians read it, they smiled, but didn't say anything. The NASA people couldn't read it, since it was in Indian, and they had to
search for and pay a willing Indian to tell them what it said. The note said,
"Watch out for these people! They're coming to take your land!"
On a golf tour in Ireland , Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, knowing nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing supremo is.
Top of the mornin' to yer, sor" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
What are dose?,asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" repliesTiger.
"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"FookinJaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"
Ha
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